I believe in this statement more than most! #shareyourstory #freedom #vulnerability (Taken with instagram)
Don’t let em hold you down! #freedom #doyou @potsc (Taken with instagram)
#freedom (Taken with instagram)
“REDEEM”
Poker Face
P. P. P. Poker Face. P. P. P. Poker Face.
I don’t have one.
I have never had one.
I hope to never have one.
If you want to know how I feel, look at my eyes… they tell you more than my mouth possibly could. Whether this is right, wrong, or indifferent, it’s true.
The twist to this is my ability to be wildly manipulative, however, even in the moments of my life where I have been manipulative, there are ounces of truth that I grasp on to in the midst of those moments.
I have recently stared people in the face, our eyes in an old western showdown and said things like, “you can trust me” and “I will protect you”… and I mean them. It is not an ounce of truth that I am holding on to in order to say these words, they are true words… and the receiver[s] of these words know they’re true because my eyes say so.
If you ever want to know what I am thinking, either ask me, or let my eyes tell you… because they will.
There are few words that are able to describe my life, but if I had to choose a couple they would be: FREE[DOM]. LIBERATION. INTEGRITY.
I am the best version of me there has ever been, but I am not the best version of me there will ever be.
Source: dennisgable.com
Journal Entry: 12.07.10
In my quiet time today, I read Galatians 5 and 6 and this is my journal entry from today as I work through the differences of what it means to live by and walk by the Spirit…
Galatians 5:25 - If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.
My purity of thought, word and action is brought about by my regeneration, which is sealed by the Holy Spirit.
To “live by” something feels fairly general… Like the intake of oxygen into my lungs. I don’t even think about the act of breathing or about how breathing actually works, I just breath. Living and breathing are synonymous in so far as you can’t so one without the other.
I view my life with the Holy Spirit in a very similar way. I am alive, therefore I have the Holy Spirit and vise versa. In the same way that I don’t have to invite oxygen into my lungs in order to breath, I don’t have to invite the Holy Spirit into my life in order to move; it just happens.
The presence of Holy Spirit is what brings strength to my bones and makes me fully alive. I don’t spend much time thinking about if He is present or how His presence works, because He is present and He works in my life and through my life.
Now, to “walk by” something is a little more intentional and involves purpose… There is a very natural movement to walking, in so far as I don’t have to think about the process of lifting my foot off of the ground, using muscles to push it out in front of my body, planting it on the ground and then using different muscles to project the mass of my body forward. It is fluid and doesn’t take much intentional thought, however, I do have to be fairly intentional with the direction my steps take me. If not, I am likely to walk into a wall, another person or in a completely different direction that originally intended.
I can’t differentiate between these two flaws in my life…
Do I put too much intentional thought into a natural process like living by the Spirit, which seems to inevitably take thought, purpose, and direction away from the intentional act of walking in the Spirit?
Or
Do I just expect walking to be as natural as breathing? This takes the blame from my foot steps because I am anticipating that someone else is doing all of the work. In this my life takes on a cruise control type position, which eventually breaks down because even if I am moving without my foot on the pedal, someone needs to be steering, and that someone is me.
To live and to walk are separate; one is natural and one is intentional.
I am seeking peace and freedom to live by the Spirit without complicating a gift of such simplicity.
I am seeking strength and direction to walk by the Spirit without weakening a gift of such empowerment.
Introspection. Depravity. Balance.
Introspection is a wonderful practice, because it allows you to take the focus off of what you think everyone else is doing wrong and ask yourself those same questions. This week in class I heard this, “one of the ways to flee being judgmental is to make yourself your main project.” For some of us, this can be dangerous if it isn’t guarded with boundary because at times we are self-deprecating enough as it is. There are times in my life when I have really been consumed by this and in retrospect, I am thankful for those times, but in the moment I become pretty selfish. A few years ago I tried to bring balance to this by asking the people around me what their opinions were regarding my life and decisions, another blurry line…
Depravity. I love this word because there is nothing that I can do to counteract my depravity, it just simply exists. So, as I seek the natural falls of my depravity and the places where my heart is just dark, selfish and wicked, I am tempted to be held captive by these and make them my identity. Introspection allows me to identify these dark areas of my heart and expose them to the light, both in terms of the truth of Jesus Christ and also making my struggles public. I can say with good conscious that I am a man who pursues integrity and strong moral and Godly character.
Let the fight begin…
In order to not become completely wrapped in the arms of my faults and darkness, hoping that I am making good, intelligent, Godly decisions with my life, I often turn to my family. My family runs much deeper than genealogy and blood line, while there are members of my natural family in this “other” family, the majority of them are brothers and sisters united by one Father. When I turn to my family, I weigh the light versus the dark and my intentions versus my decisions, mainly to receive advice, correction and approval. If I am being honest, approval is what I seek the most. One of these members of my family often says, “you are just too good with words”, and his statement implies that I am able to twist them in a way that you’ll feel compelled to agree with/support my words. I am guilt of this many times over, which has led me to where I am today.
Balance.
The unfortunate truth is that even your “family” won’t always be honest with you… we [I’m including myself as a family member to someone] often just smile and nod, maybe ask a few “devils advocate” type questions, but typically walk away with words held back in fear of being offensive or hurting someones feelings. And, where there is often truth from the outside looking in, there is even more truth from the inside [if you’re willing to accept it]. What I know is that my family loves me, but I also know that doesn’t always mean they see my heart purely because of past decisions I have made [both good and bad], which effects how they respond to me. So, I’ve decided to trust that God is continually changing me, molding me and making me more like His son, Jesus, which means I am going to trust my ability to make decisions. It would be death for me to not stand by and rely on my family, but I am capable of making good decisions for myself, despite my depravity and introspection.
So, I’m choosing… some of you may agree, some of you may not, I hope you are all supportive, but I can’t live your version of my life anymore.
I love you.
Accepting Grace = Displacing Lies
In my personal life, one of the hardest realities for me to accept is God’s grace. The difficulties within accepting this truth has very little to do with a lack of faith in God’s sufficiency, but more-so being overwhelmed by a historical path of lies which take birth as guilt, shame, fear and doubt. These thoughts often consume us and negatively impacts the day to day steps of our feet, to the way we are able to love and the big dreams dreams that God has built inside of you to glorify Him. Often times, we rebel against a process of healing because our pride forces us to show the world that we are strong and unaffected by the details of our stories. Unfortunately, this is our greatest weakness! I would like to encourage you to accept the weakness of your foundation, combat the lies, heal the pain, embrace the grace of Jesus and allow that to actually strengthen your foundation. If you are anything like me, the last paragraph is a bit fuzzy because a flood of fears, doubts, pains and lies have flooded your mind and potentially pride also, which has made you question why you are reading this. Allow me to encourage you, that your freedom is almost solely related to your ability in displacing the lies, fears and doubts and replacing them with grace, love and truth. This fight can not be fought alone, rest in those who share the same vision for freedom, love for Christ and care for one another’s hearts. Listed below are a few key scriptures to begin aligning your heart and mind to the pursuit of this freedom: Romans chapter 8 verse 1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnationfor those who are in Christ Jesus.” James chapter 5 verse 16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. 2 Timothy chapter 1 verse 7 says, “for God has not given us a spirit fear and timidity but of power and love and self-control.” Freedom is a fight. Fight hard. Be FREE.
Fight For It!
Confession # 9,268,289,209,427,406
And there will be many, many more between this moment and my last breath:
I love freely and judge harshly. I forgive quickly and condemn even faster. I preach freedom and keep people in prison. I exercise spontaneity and practice reservation.
Is this hypocrisy? Am I a hypocrite? Is life hypocritical?
Yes.
I know in my heart that grace motivates change. Grace is scandalous, provocative and dangerous. Grace says, “the punishment you deserve, you will not receive” & “the debt you owe, you are no longer responsible for”. When a prisoner is set free, they are free indeed… No longer held to 24 hour observation, able to eat, shower, pursue life, break the law and remain obedient at any moment they choose in any way they’d like. Grace has completely destroyed the gates of my prison and yet there are days when I sit in my cell, willingly enslaved and purposefully held captive when freedom is one bold step away.
Grace makes the reality of Jesus Christ beautiful. You no longer have to be bound in your cell, but you have the choice to be released… the depressing part is that so many of you have no idea that you’re even incarcerated.
My confession is this: I cling to grace because it has set me free from my prison of selfishness and taking advantage of every man and woman I came in contact with. Grace has brought me a life I never dreamed was possible, and I fight to embrace the danger and freedom of this new life. But, I don’t always offer the same freedom to people I come in contact with… I am afraid of this freedom… Because it means that people don’t have to act or respond the way I want them to [and rightfully so]. If at any time I have tried to be controlling of you [if even in the name of love and good intention], please forgive me. I am praying that God allows me to freely offer the grace that He has so freely given to me, even if I am disappointed, heartbroken and rejected in the process.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ … For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:4-5 & 8-9
LIVELOVE
When You Feel Alone…
We all have moments when we feel alone, as if we are the only person dealing with the issues and pains that torment our lives and hearts. During these moments, whether brief or drawn out, the last thing we want to do is involve someone else into this struggle, mainly because we don’t think they’ll understand or relate. I always encourage being brave, trusting that people are more experienced in pain then you give them credit for and open your life to someone else, but we aren’t always able to do that…
During the moments where vulnerability feels impossible, and you aren’t willing to reach out to a specific individual that you know, there are avenues for you to connect and be reminded that you aren’t the only soldier in this fight! One of these resources and communities is called Heart Support, an online network created by the men and women of XXXchurch.com. I encourage you to visit their site right now, save it to your bookmarks and the next time this feeling of loneliness overcomes you, take a trip into that community.
You were created on purpose and are worthy of freedom and joy!
LIVELOVE - DG
Source: heartsupport.com
This song is SO powerful. soften you heart, open you ears and experience this beautiful expression of truth.
2.12.10 - Spinning
I really like one word titles… I realized tonight that as this project progresses I am going to have to step up my game and really challenge my creativity or else we’ll all get bored. For tonight… we will stay on my general path of writing and I hope you enjoy it.
The world is spinning and whether we choose to stand still or join the chaos, movement happens. Some would say, “life happens” and I would agree. In the midst of sovereignty and chance is “life”. That isn’t as theological of a statement as it sounds, and really I’m not even sure how to mesh the two ideas of sovereignty and chance, or if they mesh at all. What I do know is no matter what we choose to call the chaotic whirlwind, we can not call it to stop or slow down for that matter. My life has been somewhat chaotic, especially over the last couple of years and just today I was thinking, “when will I get to rest?” The likely answer to my question is, never and although I try to accept that fact, I think it sucks.
Emotional freedom is one of my most desperate pursuits, typically I am able to encounter this through the most incredible gift of communication but am I alone in this journey? I seem to be one of the few crazies walking around who think that it is a good idea to express every painful thing that happens. Just today I was driving and saw a girl with a little shorter than shoulder length hair, a gray hoodie and a demeanor to match her heather sweatshirt. I couldn’t help but wonder what could be troubling this young, average looking girl? Will she ever talk about it? Does anyone know? Will she ever feel safe enough to share what is happening inside of her heart? The common answer to these questions is no. The troubling reality to these questions is, even if she finds someone who she could trust, she probably won’t. It is possible that the wounds are just too deep and the pain that would come from the re-opening of them would probably more intense than the initial cut. And so she sits, lonely and held captive to her past even though freedom is just an arms length away.
Because life continues to spin out of control and we go through life feeling caught up in a tornado of hellish experience and pain, many of us will remain held captive. Let me encourage you that life will never give you a break, in my experiences it is much more beneficial to accept that and begin ripping the skeletons out of the closet during the calm between the storms. This is how I live. It is not perfect but it is free and I feel healthy most of the time. If there is anything that you would like to talk about and get off your heart, I am here, please feel free to contact me by email or phone or we can even grab some coffee if you live in AZ. I love you and I’ll be waiting.
L!VELOVE
